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I can’t believe it’s been one year.

Susan passed away on 1.1.11, and a year ago today, we held a service to celebrate her amazing, beautiful life.  It has been a year of grieving, tears, sadness, and along the way, glimmers of hope.  Certainly, people move through tragedy all the time on their own, without inviting the help of God in.  Trudging through pain and hurt all alone.  But I find it hard to imagine how anyone comes through difficulty with any kind of hope, if they cannot see that God is present, real, kind, loving, and wise.

To say that this has been a hard year is like saying it was kind of chilly this morning.  (here in NC, it was a toe-freezing 16 degrees)  It has been the most difficult year of my life, and not just for me, but for others in our family who loved Susan so much.

But I am still here.  We are still here.  And God is too.  Which means that there is hope.

Hope for a future that is better.  For life, love, and joy to return.  For laughter and adventure and promise.  These things are starting to show back up again, little by little.

A friend shared with me sometime last year: “Things won’t ever be the same, but you won’t always feel the way you do right now.”  I can say that for me, these words (borrowed from Tony Dungy) are true.  There were days I never thought they would be…that I would never shed the blanket of sadness and pain I felt.  But I can say, today, that I’m in a different place than I was early last year, when it was so fresh and new.  I’m moving forward…not leaving Susan behind.  But moving, yes.  In a way, this movement is possible because of her.  Because of the way she loved me, and the way she let go of me, the kids, of everything in this world…freely, caught up in Christ, and with the deepest peace.

Our year of “firsts” has come to a close.  A new year is here.  There is hope.